Tanya & Lorenzo in the Grand Canyon

GRAND CANYON 2000
Thursday, August 17th - Awake at 3:30AM, try to go back to sleep. Right. Put coffee on, finish packing, straighten house, double and triple check the various 'lists' - did I pack this, remember to do that, etc. Plug in telephone answering machine, lock the front door, jump in the UFV (Ultimate Fun Vehicle - also known as full size van with custom storage and sleeping area) and HIT THE ROAD.
I am Tanya and with my hubby, Lorenzo, are off on a long awaited adventure to the Grand Canyon (and beyond, but that is another tale). The Grand Canyon. I spent less than 24 hours there more than 15 years ago and it's magic beauty has been calling to me to return ever since. So overpowering was this call, that I booked us on a NINE DAY white water river raft trip down the Colorado river.
Now you must understand, I am a "room-service" type of girl. preferred accomodations include heated pool and spa, 24 hr room service (full menu thank you), wide selection of current movies on big TV, ocean front (I like tropical locales) with sundeck. Full housekeeping services goes without saying. I developed these preferences during years with my sister, who as a travel professional, received numerous 'industry perks'.
Today I am married to an outdoor guy (made me buy big, ugly hiking boots) and our regular destinations usually feature pit toilets. My packing lists now include Pamª spray instead of Opiumª, rubber Tevasª instead of gold sandals and a National Park issue 'belly bag' instead of my usual faux tiger skin handbag.
So off we go! Heading south from our home in San Francisco, the plan is to cross the Sierra Nevada at Sherman pass, visit Death Valley and Las Vegas before we arrive in Flagstaff, Arizona where the river guide company will take us to the Grand Canyon. The plan did not include getting lost for an entire afternoon, nearly running out of gas, trying to find Sherman Pass; encountering a French bicycle team cycling their way across Death Valley, where at noon on August 18th was 115û (holy merd! just STANDING outside felt like you were in a hair dryer blowing full blast); and having our UFV break down just as we were leaving Vegas! Ever try to find a car dealership service department willing to look at your out of town vehicle on a Saturday morning? Ever try to find an OPEN dealership service department - in Vegas - on Saturday morning? Ever think you are going to kiss $4,000.00 of non-refundable vacation reservations away? Let's just say that Friendly Ford's, Dennis Eich is a hero in Tanya's book!Colorado River - Day 1

Sunday, August 20th - Slept in a campground 40 miles from Flagstaff. Get up, get organized, go to the Radisson Inn where we meet Canyon Exploration representative, Laura, and the other people joining us on this adventure. Bob and Judy are youthful retirees now growing grapes for Welch's in Michigan. Graham is English, a member of Parliment (but nice, Labor party you know) and has rafted with CanyonX before. Greg and Alexandra, thirtysomethings from Denver, are now living in Kentucky. From Alabama, Tricia has decided to travel solo. Patty, a friend of one of our guides-to-be, has earned herself a trip by volunteering to be an assistant.
We learn a little about each other, what to do and expect in the canyon and WAY too much about evacuation and storage of poo. Tanya will find elimination is the hot topic of polite conversation throughout the trip! OoooKaaay.
Oriented, backpacks and new water jugs full, we file out to the waiting van which will drive us to the canyon South Rim, where we will sleep tonight. Tomorrow at daybreak we begin our hike down to the river. Fortunately Tanya spies the hiking boots that an overly excited Lorenzo has forgotten to pack!
An hour later we arrive, checking into the Bright Angel Lodge, Tanya is on the verge of tears. My dream of returning to the canyon has become a reality and my room has a view! No time for the view now as we have only minutes before dinner reservations at the historic El Tovar. After dinner and a fabulous sunset, we buy postcards, return to our room to watch TV and use a bathroom (the orientation description of the 'facilities' rattling in my brain).
Wakeup call is 4:45AM

Monday, August 21st - Hike 7 1/2 miles (begin in the dark) carrying heavy pack, get strapped into corsetlike lifejacket, jump into big yellow rubber boat (after learning even more about bodily functions), hit major rapid 1/4 mile down river (backwards, boat pops an oar, nearly flip), get bit on the toe by fire ant at camp, sleep fitfully and wake up nauseous (dehydration sickness) - Welcome to the Grand Canyon, Tanya!

What was I thinking?! I am totally traumatized. I am terrified. And it's only the FIRST DAY! The water is HUGE, cold, muddy brown and boiling down the canyon. One minute the sun is blazing and you think you will fry, the next, a cloudburst rains down a storm soaking you to the skin. Campsites crawl with fire ants, the most toxic poison insect in the canyon, who could kill you if it's teeny mouth could get a bigger bite. We won't even discuss the scorpion factor. The guides are a different breed, speaking a river language I cannot understand. The original rafters (our group is joining a trip that began 7 days ago and are replacing 9 others hiking out of the canyon near Phantom Ranch) are old friends and seem at ease in this alien world.
What WAS I thinking?? Boy did Tanya ever get a bucket (no, river) of cold water dumped on her fantasy. Too many Disney Wildlife Adventure Programs. Will I be able to survive my own adventure??